How to Make Long-Distance Relationships Not Suck So Much

Article by Maya Vukovska

I have recently come upon a video on Instagram, where a guy was explaining that a human being needs at least 8 hugs a day to feel happy and relaxed. Now I understand why I am constantly anxious and haunted by unhappy thoughts - I get fewer hugs a day. And on some days, even zero! People in long-distance relationships must feel the same. They can see and hear the voice of their partner on a regular basis thanks to the modern means of communication, but they don’t get to be hugged. And fucked, pardon my French. Although a Chinese start-up has invented a long-distance kissing machine that transmits users’ kissеs through motion sensors implanted in silicon lips, this doesn’t seem to be a viable solution for couples struggling to maintain their LDR intact. Because love is love, but nothing can substitute physical intimacy when two people are in love and committed to each other - not even the smartest AI in the world! So, the question is: What can you do to make the relationship with a loved one who’s across mountains and seas work? If I knew the exact answer, I’d probably win a Nobel prize, but I don’t. Nobody does, really. But I have some tips up my sleeve that may help you stay strong and keep the sparkle alive.

If you can’t learn to live apart, you can’t learn to live together

Let me tell you something from personal experience, guys. I am a very protective-of-my-personal-space person, and you would never hear me say, “I don’t know how to live by myself”, or “I am afraid that I’ll die alone and the cat will feed on my face.” The truth is that if you cannot be your own man, you won’t be capable of holding onto any relationship, not only a long-distance one. Distance is not for the fearful but for the bold. It works best for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for just a little precious time with the one they love. After all, long distance is the best test for one’s feelings, trust, and dedication.

Schedule activities together

Just because you are not in the same place, doesn’t mean that you can’t do things together - and I don’t mean only sexting and masturbating over FaceTime! Plan a movie night. Or try a new recipe - cooking the same dish simultaneously, and comparing the results afterward can be quite fun, I imagine. Here’s another suggestion for shared fun: when one of you is going to a dinner with friends, the other can join virtually, and participate in the conversation - but not in the bill splitting :)

Excessive online communication can be a deal-breaker

90 Day Fiancé is one of my favorite shows. In one of the last editions, there was this couple - an American guy, Brаndаn, and a girl, Mary, from the Philippines, both 23. They were the most co-depending couple ever seen on the show - Mary was so obsessed with her boyfriend, that she’d insist they do everything together on FaceTime 24-7. Brandan wasn’t allowed to switch off the camera even when he was sleeping! You may think that only non-stop communication helps to keep the relationship alive, however, it can have just the opposite effect, and ruin it completely. Technology may be your best friend, but just like alcohol, it should be used moderately, otherwise it can turn into your biggest enemy. I mean, even if two people are not separated by distance, it’s insane not to allow themselves some me-time now and then.

Trust your gut feeling

If at some point something starts to feel off, do not bury your head in the sand like an ostrich pretending that it’ll just pass. Instead of prolonging the agony of doubt and suspicion, open up a conversation, and share your thoughts of concern with your partner. Ask what has changed. Is there another? Should you worry? Just trust your instincts. You may not like the answers, but at least you’ll spare both of you time and efforts trying to resuscitate the already dead relationship.

Distance keeps the sparkle alive

One of the main reasons why many relationships and marriages fall apart is that at some point partners start taking each other for granted. When I was a kid, my mother, a professional dancer, would travel the world most of the year. Dad used to say that not seeing each other for months actually made their bond stronger. And bare in mind that it was the 80s’ when people communicated only through snail mail and phone! The bottom line is that you appreciate a person more if you don’t have them in your daily life. Yes, keeping an LDR does require an effort, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Just stick to these three simple rules: Don’t get paranoid. Don’t be over-compromising. Enjoy the ride.