5 Deadass Basic Hook-up Hosting Musts

By Eris Chase  

All right, you hottie babes, we just got back from a long coffee conversation with our  gorge friend, Ryan St Michael, where he shared hilarious hook-up hosting fails. Most were things we always thought were very common basic manners when having a little  bit of the strange come over for a little bit of the loving. But, NnnOoooOooooo…  Come to find out you all are just out there wandering into sketchy boots dens of  mess, not offered so much as a drink out of a sink, not earning even a simple hello, no  place to clean up the errant lube, spit and cum sticking to you, and being shoved  outside to wait on a ride share in all the kinds of inclement weather. Since knowledge is power, here is a handy guide to the bare minimums you should expect/deliver as a  host-ee or a host.  

** We hope it goes without saying before we get silly: with any hook-up, if you feel  unsafe or unsettled past the usual mild nerves, it is perfectly OK to call it off. It's  perfectly OK to leave or ask someone to leave. An "I'm so sorry, I'm not feeling up to  it" is all that's really needed here. Your safety is ALWAYS the priority.**  

Tidy Up  

You will literally prep your love canal like you're getting the Hudson River swimmable again, but somehow you didn't brush your teeth or use clean sheets?? You'll wrangle  your stiffy into a cock ring to ensure everlasting lovin', but you didn't clean the toilet  or take the trash out? We aren't going to get clever here-here is your list of "yeah, you  HAVE to do these as a host": Empty the trash, dirty dishes out of the sink, clean the  toilet and wipe out the bathroom sink, change the sheets, open a window and air  your place out, spritz room spray, have lube and condoms at the ready but out of  sight, shower, brush your teeth, and put on clean clothes. So. Basic.  

Offer a Beverage  

Gurl… this one gets us in the feels. Are people out there just not offering a sip of  anything upon an arrival to their home? *shudder of horror* A beverage is the most  basic of hosting musts. You don’t need to pop the Krug, just a simple bottle of  sparkling water is plenty. An energy drink, an electrolyte loaded liquid, or go big with  a vodka soda; just offer something. Bonus here for putting it in a frosty and clean glass.  

Chit Chat  

We don't mean first-date, we are going to be the next long lasting romance chit chat.  Just some basics. "Hi." "Come on in." "I'm glad you made it." "Can I take your coat?"  "Is the temperature OK in here for you?" Truly, you don't need Lord Byron poetic  wordsmith skill. A few standard, heck even clipped, sentences go a long way toward a  comfortable interaction.  

Towel or Hot Shower  

If you did it right... there will be a mess to clean off. Lucky you, Tiger.  Anyway, we know you don't want every rando quickie hook-up to lurk around after  the games have concluded, but you need to offer a warm, wet washcloth at the  minimum. Nicer is helping them clean up. Nicer still is an offer of a shower with  yummy soaps and a clean fluffy towel. You'll know which way to go by the time the  sticky hot passion juices start to get cold and flaky.  

Proper Goodbye  

Even if the hook-up was mid, and you know you won't be seeing this person again,  have an ending. Get up, walk them out, make sure their car starts or their ride is en  route and they have a safe spot to wait, or let them wait inside. A hug, a kiss on the  cheek, a thank you. Really, again, you don't need to overdo it, but a cordial goodbye is just proper manners. Now, if you're lucky, and the hook-up was 10s across the board, then you'll hopefully be having coffee and tiny breakfast muffins together before starting more rounds of naughty delights! 

There you go, the basic bitch, bare minimums you should present or expect in a hook up. A little effort goes a long way. Whether it's a one-time thing or the start of  something more, treating each other with a touch of class can make all the difference.  So next time you're preparing for a hook-up, don't just aim for mild satisfaction, aim  for an experience that leaves you both fucked out, messy, but well taken care of!