Congratulations, babe! You just survived what can only be described as a biblical event—your hole met its match, and now you’re left wondering whether you need a doctor, a priest, or a real estate agent because that hole is officially a new zip code.

But don’t worry! While your backdoor just hosted an XXL grand opening, there are plenty of ways to speed up the recovery process and get you back in the saddle (or on the saddle, depending on your preferred position 😉).

Here’s your official post-pound care guide for when your booty just went through it.

1. Hands Off, Babe – Let It Breathe

I know, I know—you’re feeling every shift, every tingle, and maybe even a ghost dick sensation. But the first step to recovery is to leave it alone.

No poking. No prodding. And unless you want to experience the pain of a thousand suns, absolutely NO immediate round two. Your hole is on sick leave—give it at least a couple of days off.

2. Cool It Down, Literally

If your ass is feeling like a volcano post-eruption, you might need to cool it down. Try a cold compress or an ice pack (wrapped in a cloth, because we’re not trying to freezer-burn your booty). A quick sitz bath—aka soaking your lower half in warm water—can also help relax the muscles and bring down any swelling.

Pro tip: If you’re too shy to tell your roommate why you’re suddenly taking 5 baths a day, just say you’re trying to live your best spa life.

3. Lube, Babe. LUBE.

If you went through all of that with minimal lube, I have some bad news: You did this to yourself.

For future reference:

• Silicone-based lubes = long-lasting, slick, and perfect for “adventurous” nights.
• Water-based lubes = safe for toys and easy cleanup.
• Your spit? Cute, but not a substitute.

A well-lubed hole is a happy hole. Don’t forget it.

4. Suppositories & Creams: Your New Best Friends

If you’re feeling sore, itchy, or slightly traumatized, it’s time to introduce hemorrhoid cream or a soothing suppository into your self-care routine.

Why? Because they:

• Reduce swelling
• Calm irritation
• Make you feel like a responsible adult who plans ahead for future backdoor adventures.

Just be sure to read the label and use medicated ones sparingly. We love a quick fix, but we also don’t want to become addicted to butt ointments.

5. Fiber is Your Friend (Because Pooping Shouldn’t Feel Like a Horror Movie)

If the thought of using the bathroom has you clutching your pearls, you need to load up on fiber ASAP.

A big dick is already an experience, but trying to take your first post-pound dump when your booty is still tender? Terrifying.

Help yourself out by eating fiber-rich foods like:

• Avocados
• Apples
• Whole grains

And, of course, drink water like your life depends on it—because at this point, it does.

6. Communicate, Babe!

If this XL situation is a repeat performance, talk to your partner! If they genuinely care about your hole’s well-being, they’ll go slower, use more lube, and check in with you instead of going full jackhammer without warning.

And if they don’t care about how you’re feeling? That’s not a good top, babe—that’s just an inconsiderate man with a big dick. And there are plenty of those in the world.

7. If You’re Still in Pain After a Few Days…

A little soreness is normal. But if your bootyhole is still throwing a tantrum days later, or if you’re feeling intense pain, bleeding, or anything that screams “I might need a medical professional for this,” see a doctor.

Yes, it might feel awkward explaining to your physician that you got absolutely wrecked, but trust me—they’ve heard WAY worse. They went to med school for this. Let them do their job.

Final Thoughts: Respect Your Hole, Babe

Listen, taking a monumental cock is a rite of passage in the gay community, but you also have to respect the aftermath. A little post-sex soreness? Totally fine. Feeling like your soul left your body because some guy decided to play “destroy the bottom” on expert mode? Not cute.

So, lube up, communicate, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Your hole is a precious, magical place—it deserves TLC, not just BBC. 😉