Ask Agatha: Fuck Buddy to Boyfriend

Dear Agatha,

I so need your advice, I think I’m falling for my hookup partner. What started as a no-strings-attached occasional dicking down appointment has turned into hours of post-sex cuddling, deep talks, and long nights with frozen pizza and beer. And honestly? I’m not mad about it, and I kind of love it… okay, I really love it, and I don’t want him to leave… like ever.

The sex is amazing, he’s incredible, and I think (hope, pray, manifest??) he wants more too. Agatha, am I delusional, or is this FWB turning into BF? And if so, how do I make it official?

XOXO,

Desperately Seeking Boyfriend

Dear Seeking,

Oh, sweetheart. The moment the frozen pizza went in the oven, you were not just fuck buddies anymore. You, babe, went from Door Dick Delivery on Demand to a situationship without even realizing it. One universal truth about men is, they do not stick around for hours post-nut unless they want to.

Think about it. A guy who is truly only in it for the orgasms is not going to waste precious free time lying around, laughing, talking, and eating processed cheese on top of a thin crust. No, a true FWB type is already on to the next before the timer on the oven goes off. But your man? He is settling in and popping tops on Milwaukee’s Best. Now, the question is, does he know that yet?

Just because you are ready to float from casual to committed does not mean he knows that is what is happening. He might be lingering because it feels good, because he enjoys your company, because he is a sucker for a well-timed slice. Or maybe he’s giving you a “no-strings-attached boyfriend experience” where he is still doing no long-term planning. Your situation has for sure evolved, but does he recognize it? And more importantly, is he open to recognizing it?

The best way to find out? Say something. No, do not drop a “So, what are we? Do you like me like me? Are you hearing wedding bells, because I am?” bomb in the middle of a balls-deep pounding. Think more of a casual, low-pressure, “Hey, there is a great new bar I want to check out, want to come?” kind of jam. If he is into you the way you think he is, he will be into the idea of seeing you outside of the bedroom. If he hesitates, makes excuses, or suddenly remembers that he is really just keeping things casual, then congratulations, you have just saved yourself months of wasted energy on someone who was never going to give you what you want.

So here is my advice. Take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and bring it up in a way that feels natural. Not a dramatic “we need to talk,” not a passive-aggressive “so are you just here for the sex?” Just a simple, “I love spending time with you, and I would really like to see where this could go.” That is it. That is the magic spell. If he wants more, he will meet you there. If he does not, at least you will know now instead of three months down the road when you have already given him way too much of your heart with no clarity.

And if he says he is not ready? Take him at his word. No amount of great sex, carb-heavy meals, or post-big-O snuggles will make someone love you if they aren’t feeling it. You deserve someone who is just as excited about you as you are about them. Someone who lingers not because it is convenient, but because they want to be there.

So go ahead, gorge. Put it out there. Either you will get the boyfriend you want, or you will clear the way for someone who is actually ready to step up. Either way, you win.

XOXO,

Agatha