Ask Agatha: My Boyfriend Can Go Weeks Without Cumming

Dear Agatha,

I need your wisdom because I’m stuck, and not in the fun wink-wink way. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and I adore him. He’s sweet, handsome, and great in bed… when we actually get there.

Here’s the thing: he can go two weeks—or more!—without sex or even jerking off. Meanwhile, I’m a horny little devil who starts vibrating like a phone on silent if I don’t get off every other day.

Every time we get busy, it’s because I initiated it. I’m starting to feel like a desperate puppy begging for scraps. So, I stopped initiating, hoping he’d step up. It’s been 10 days now, and still… crickets.

I’m worried. Is this normal? Is it me? Am I not hot enough? Should I be doing more, or is he just not that into sex? Please help me before I lose my mind—and my libido!

Sincerely,

Horny and Confused

Dear Horny and Confused,

Oh, sweetie. First, let me pour you a cocktail because you’re spiraling, and Mama Agatha doesn’t allow that on her watch. Sip, sip. Okay, let’s get into it.

Forget “normal.” Throw it out like expired lube. When it comes to sex drives, everyone’s on a spectrum. Some of us are sex-crazed energizer bunnies, while others are more “Netflix, no chill.”

Your boyfriend’s libido isn’t a reflection of your hotness—or lack thereof. This isn’t a competition between you and his hand or the great outdoors. People’s sex drives are influenced by all sorts of things: stress, hormones, work, sleep, and even what phase the moon is in (probably).

It’s Not You, Boo.

Let me say this louder for the gays in the back: IT’S NOT YOU. Your boyfriend loves you, finds you attractive, and probably dreams about you naked. But his sex drive is just dialed to a different setting than yours. It’s like you’re blasting Beyoncé at full volume, and he’s vibing to lo-fi chill beats. Both are valid, just different tempos.

Time to Get Real

Now, it’s time for some adulting (ugh, I know). You need to have a conversation with him. Yes, an actual talk that involves words and no handjobs (for now).

Here’s how you frame it:

“Babe, I love being intimate with you, but I’ve noticed we’re on different pages when it comes to how often we want to get busy. I want to understand where you’re coming from, and maybe we can figure out a groove that works for both of us.”

Notice what I didn’t say? Anything that sounds like blame or nagging. This isn’t about pressuring him to perform—it’s about syncing up your needs.

Compromise Is Sexy

Relationships are all about meeting in the middle. Maybe he’s down to schedule some sexy time so you know when it’s happening (and don’t feel like you’re begging). Or perhaps you can find other ways to satisfy your libido solo without feeling neglected.

And who knows? Talking about it might unlock some new things he’s been hesitant to explore. Communication is foreplay, darling—don’t forget it.

Your boyfriend isn’t a broken toy, and you’re not too needy. You’re just two fabulous people with different rhythms. With a little honesty and a lot of love, you’ll find your groove—and probably end up having the best make-up sex ever.

Now, go forth, communicate, and may your bed be blessed with many orgasms.

XOXO,

Agatha