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Ask Agatha: I Hosted an Orgy and Only One Guy Showed Up
Dear Agatha,
I’m writing this in the deepest pits of despair. Last weekend, I decided to host an orgy (as one does), expecting it to be the event of the season. I sent out the invites, dimmed the lights, put out bowls of snacks (yes, there were strawberries and chocolate, obviously), and cleaned every inch of my apartment. I even put on my most seductive playlist.
The big night arrives, and guess what? Only one guy shows up. One. And to make matters worse, he wasn’t even that cute, and he brought a six-pack of cheap beer as his “contribution.” I was mortified. Agatha, what did I do wrong? How can I make sure my next attempt doesn’t end in tragic, lonely humiliation?
Sincerely,
Solo and Mortified
Dear Solo and Mortified,
Oh, sweetheart. First of all, let’s take a deep breath and release that shame spiral you’ve been spinning in. This is not the scandal of the season you think it is. If you’ve been paying attention, ghosting and no-shows have become the unofficial anthem of modern gay socializing. It’s not you, darling—it’s the times we live in.
Here’s the tea: some people are just plain rude. Others are caught up in the fantasy of what an orgy could be, hyping themselves up for a night of unbridled ecstasy, only to panic when it’s time to make fantasy a reality. It’s not fair, and it’s certainly not fabulous, but it’s a fact of life in the hookup culture era.
Now, let’s talk about that one brave soul who did show up. Was he the Adonis you were hoping for? No. But he was there. You could choose to see this as tragic, or you could reframe it as a lesson in resilience. Every great host has had their dud events. Trust me, even Beyoncé probably had an empty talent show back in her Destiny’s Child days.
The key takeaway here is that you tried. You put yourself out there, prepped for something daring, and created a space for connection. That takes guts, my dear! Next time, if there’s a next time (and there’s no pressure—this life isn’t a gay porn set, despite what the internet tells us), you’ll know better how to set expectations and manage the risks of flakiness.
But let’s get real for a moment. Maybe this is the universe’s way of nudging you toward something a bit more… personal. Less crowd, more connection? Sometimes the most satisfying experiences happen in intimate settings with just the right chemistry. Who’s to say a future endeavor couldn’t thrive with a smaller, curated guest list?
At the end of the day, my darling, the true mark of confidence isn’t hosting the perfect orgy—it’s laughing off the imperfect one. Wear this moment as a badge of honor and keep that head held high. You’re a trailblazer, a dreamer, and, most importantly, someone who knows how to plan a sexy soirée.
XOXO,
Agatha
