5 Things European Gays Don't Understand About American Gays

If you’ve ever found yourself on a whirlwind Eurotrip (cue the cliché beret pic under the Eiffel Tower), you might have noticed that European gays and American gays often feel like they’re playing for the same team but with very different game plans. Let’s spill some tea on the top five things that leave European gays scratching their impeccably coiffed heads about their American counterparts.

1. Circumcision Confusion

Let’s just dive right into it, shall we? European gays cannot fathom the sheer prevalence of circumcision in the U.S. Over in Europe, the foreskin is as common as a baguette in Paris—it’s just there. Meanwhile, in America, the majority of guys are snipped, thanks to cultural and medical norms that Europeans find… puzzling.

So if you’re an American gay gallivanting through Berlin or Madrid, don’t be surprised if a hookup stares at you like you’ve got a Picasso down there. And yes, they will ask questions. Be prepared to play the role of “Circumcision Ambassador.”

2. The Over-the-Top Pride Festivities

To a European gay, Pride in America feels like Coachella, Mardi Gras, and the Super Bowl had a love child covered in glitter. From corporate sponsorships to full-blown parades with floats bigger than their apartments, it’s a lot.

While European Prides tend to be more political and grassroots (think less Britney Spears concert, more protest march), they’re always a little shocked—and maybe a tad envious—of America’s “go big or go home” energy.

3. The Grindr Formalities

European gays? Straight to the point: “Host? Now?”

American gays? A full resumé: “Hey! How’s your day? Where are you from? What are your dreams and goals in life?”

Europeans don’t understand why American gays need a whole novella before getting to the main event. “Do you really care about my favorite Netflix show, or are we just wasting time?” Spoiler: They think you’re wasting time.

4. Obsession with Gym Culture

Sure, Europeans love a good workout, but American gays have taken gym culture to the next level. Between gym selfies, protein shakes, and actually enjoying leg day, Europeans often wonder if U.S. gays are training for an invisible Olympic event.

In Europe, it’s all about balance—workout, enjoy a glass of wine, eat some carbs, repeat. Meanwhile, some American gays treat the gym like a second home, and Europeans are just over here like, “Babe, it’s a hookup, not a CrossFit competition.”

5. Tipping Culture Confusion

Europeans visiting the U.S. are always thrown off by tipping culture, and American gays are no exception. Europeans might think they’re being generous leaving a couple of coins on the table after dinner, only to have their American friends frantically explain that the poor waiter is now crying in the back room.

American gays have perfected the art of tipping bartenders for extra-strong vodka sodas and drag queens for death-defying splits. Europeans? They’re still figuring out how much is “normal” without accidentally bankrupting themselves.

Despite their differences, European and American gays share a universal truth: they’re fabulous, they’re fierce, and they’re all just trying to live their best lives—whether it’s under the Spanish sun or in a crowded New York club. So the next time you’re sipping espresso in Rome or margaritas in Miami, remember: the world of gay is vast, diverse, and always ready for a little friendly side-eye. 💋