Dear Agatha,

So… how do I even start this?

I’m a 22-year-old closeted gay guy still living at home (saving up to move out, don’t judge). Last weekend, I finally worked up the courage to invite a guy over while my parents were supposedly out for the night. Let’s just say, things escalated quickly. I was face down, ass up, mid-enthusiastic bottoming session when—like something out of a bad sitcom—the front door slammed and who walked in?

My dad.

I didn’t even hear him at first over the sound of my own moaning and the bed frame banging against the wall. Next thing I know, he’s standing in the hallway, calling my name, and then opens my damn bedroom door because, you know, privacy is apparently optional.

He froze. I froze. My guy tried to climb out the window (unsuccessfully).

Now I’m mortified, he hasn’t mentioned it since, and I don’t even know if I’m ready to come out yet. Do I talk to him? Pretend it didn’t happen? Move to another country?

Help me, Agatha. I’m dying.

Love,

Busted Bottom in Boise

Dear Busted Bottom in Boise,

Oh honey… first of all, I need to give you a standing ovation because this is what I like to call a Platinum Tier Gay Panic Moment™. If there were gay Oscars, you’d be nominated for Most Dramatic Accidental Coming Out Scene.

But let’s get serious for a moment, sweet pea, because this is a rough spot, and I’ve seen this movie before—trust me.

Let’s Talk About Your Dad

If your dad hasn’t said anything yet, it’s probably because he has no idea how to process what he saw. Straight men of a certain generation don’t exactly have the emotional toolkit for, “I just saw my son getting absolutely railed.”

He’s likely embarrassed, confused, maybe a little traumatized (welcome to the club, dad), and he’s probably trying to pretend it didn’t happen because he doesn’t know how to talk about it.

That’s not your fault.

What Should YOU Do?

This moment does not define you or your relationship with your dad. You have options:

Option 1:

If you’re not ready to come out and process this, you don’t have to. You can let it lie. This is your life, your timing, your truth. He saw something private, and that doesn’t obligate you to hand over your entire identity on a silver platter the next day.

Option 2:

If this has cracked the closet door open for you and you do want to talk about it, wait until the awkward tension has deflated a little and then have a grown-up conversation. You don’t even have to get into details—just something like:

“Hey, I know you walked in on something the other night. I’m gay. I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, but now I’d like to.”

Boom. Ball’s in his court.

Most Importantly: Do NOT Feel Ashamed

Listen to your Auntie Agatha: there is nothing shameful about being a bottom, being gay, or being caught in the middle of getting your back blown out. Sex is normal. Gay sex is normal. Your dad’s discomfort is his problem, not yours.

Also… maybe invest in a lock.

You’re not dying. You’re not broken. You just got caught mid-action in the most chaotic, gay way possible—and someday, when the embarrassment fades, this is going to be an iconic story you tell over brunch.

Until then:

Deep breaths. Chin up. And maybe let dad knock next time.

XOXO,

Agatha