The 2021 Hookup à la carte Menu
Article written by Maya Vukovska
2021 is already here bringing hope for better and happier days. And also hope for new love, if this is what one is looking for. Now, let’s check what’s on the menu for 2021, and see which dish is going to tempt your demanding palate.
Chicken salad
If you are into twinks and fresh faces, then it will be your lucky year. The force majeure circumstances surrounding the pandemic somehow pepped up many closeted older teens and those in their 20s to either come out sooner than planned or become more daring in their sexual endeavors. Actor Ryan Reynolds once said, “Any kind of crisis can be good - it wakes you up.” What the Corona crisis did was to chase the “spring chickens” out of the hen house and onto the yard for the viewing pleasure of all the chickenhawks out there. Play nice...
Rabbit in wine sauce
You can find the best meat to prepare this exquisite dish…at the gym. Yes, you’ve read right. The gyms are the places where you can come upon the so-called “gym bunnies”. These are young, gorgeous looking guys who are not exactly obsessed with bodybuilding, they just want to look toned and sexy, and, you know, to flirt in the locker rooms.
Not to be confused with the “gym rats” - gay men who actually live at the gym and who look down on everybody who eats pizza and goes to a happy hour.
With the gyms still being closed, the “gym bunnies” can get a little uneasy and upset, but practice shows frustration doesn't spoil the taste of their tender meat.
Game appetizers
Upon mentioning “game”, you probably think deer, duck, and wild boars. But a bear can also be an excellent tasting animal. The "bears" in the gay animal kingdom are believed to form the largest community, and they are going stronger and more popular every year. There is a funny contradiction about these guys: they emanate hyper-masculinity but are at the same time often the kindest people.
Ot(t)her hors d’oeuvres
If you consider yourself an omnivorous gay, i.e. you are not into a specific type of facial hair or a specific age group, then we’ll recommend the otter dish. "Otters" are somewhere between the "chickens" and "bears" and come in all ages. They are usually medium built, with delicate limbs, and although they tend to trim their chest hair and the down-there area, they always leave some fur.
Stuffed pork loin
Although it sounds intricate to prepare, the recipe for this delish is actually quite simple. You take any sex-obsessed gay man, add a few kinky sex toys, and spice it up with a spank or two. But if you are into “pigs” you already know that they are focused on the physical aspect of the relationship and don’t care much about anything else.
Unicorn with whipped cream and chopped nuts
This exotic dessert will be the choice of those gay gourmands who enjoy having a threesome with their boyfriend and a bisexual partner that is not necessarily male. If you decide to skip all the other courses and go straight to the “unicorn”, keep in mind that this dessert can be tricky (you can always come upon a nutshell and break a tooth!) and sometimes hard to get hold of. After all, unicorns are quite rare these days!
No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog post. Eternal love for out vegetarian and vegan readers! :)