Forget The Dick Pics, We're Sending Ass Pics Now

Honey, it’s 2024—dick pics are so yesterday! We’ve evolved. And while we still love a good ol' shot of your junk, let’s be real: the true power move today is in the ass pic. Yep, you heard me right. It’s time to turn that booty into the star of the show. But just like anything in life, there’s an art to it, and not everyone gets it right. So, sit back, relax, and let me guide you through how to take butt selfies that’ll have men lining up in your DMs.

1. Angles Are EVERYTHING

First things first, nobody wants to see your booty flat as a pancake because you didn’t understand the importance of angles! No shame, but we can do better. Try a three-quarter turn, showing just enough cheek to tease without giving away all your goods. Maybe even throw in a subtle arch if you’re feeling saucy. Bonus tip: shoot from below. This angle elongates your legs and makes that peach POP. Trust me.

2. Lighting Is Your Best Friend

If you’re trying to showcase your ass and it’s darker than the inside of a closet on a rainy day, stop. Lighting can make or break an ass pic! Natural light is your go-to. Stand near a window or shoot during golden hour when the lighting is soft and flattering. But if it’s nighttime and the urge hits, make sure you’ve got enough light to properly illuminate your masterpiece without making it look like you’re taking a mugshot.

3. Keep It TIGHT

Look, there’s a difference between playful nudity and looking like you’re auditioning for a medical textbook. Some guys wanna see a little hole, some don’t—but girl, nobody wants to see a gaping cavern! (Yes, I said it!) Keep things cute and classy. A peek of hole is fine for those that are into it, but it should never scream, "I’ve been at the gym for three hours doing squats." Your goal is alluring, not an anatomy lesson.

4. Wardrobe: Or Lack Thereof

For those of us who aren’t ready to go full nude in our butt pics, underwear is a fantastic option. Throw on some Andrew Christian undies, especially ones that enhance and frame your booty (because duh). A jock or something skimpy can tease just enough skin to make the boys drool without showing everything. It’s the perfect balance of revealing and mysterious. And for the ultimate tease? A pull-down motion on the waistband—game changer.

5. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

If your arms aren’t flexible enough for a proper butt selfie, the mirror shot is your friend! Position yourself in front of a mirror, find your best side (everyone has one), and snap away. Pro tip: Clean. The. Damn. Mirror. Nobody wants to see your hot booty surrounded by toothpaste splatters. A clean mirror means a clean shot, and your booty will thank you for it.

6. Posture Up, Buttercup

If you’re lying down, make sure you aren’t slouching into the bed like a sack of potatoes. Good posture will make your butt look perkier and more appealing. Stick that peach out as though you're proudly displaying a trophy. If standing, don’t just stand there like you’re at the DMV—pose like your booty is about to be inducted into the Hall of Fame!

7. Confidence Is Key

The best accessory to any ass pic? Confidence. No matter the angle, lighting, or undies (or lack thereof), if you’re feeling yourself, that’s going to come through in the pic. Whether you’ve got a little booty or you’re rocking a big ol’ peach, own it. You’ve got what they want, and that’s a fact!

So there you have it, queens! Next time you’re thinking about sending a little something spicy, forget the tired ol’ dick pic. It’s all about the booty now, and when done right, you’ll have them begging for more. Keep it cute, keep it cheeky, and above all, keep it tight. 💋🍑