The Welcomed Death of the Mean Girl Gay
By Eris Chase
Sometimes the things that change, fall out of favor, or die out completely are highly welcomed. With that said, we herald the nails currently being hammered into the coffin of the “Mean Girl Gay.” We are looking at you with the perpetual frown, the grumpy vibes from dusk till dawn, the one with an eye roll game worthy of Parker Brothers, the one who can find fault with everyone and everything and can’t help themselves from commenting on it. Yup, sorry babes, the dawn of the Age of Nice is upon us. So, prepare to unsharpen your tongue and learn to let all that golden sweetness that you’ve got buried deep under your frosted heart out! Because it’s time for a kinder time.
But, WHY????
We can’t deny that outside forces are coming for a huge subset of the Rainbow family. Divisiveness is starting to dominate too much of our politics, our media, our spaces, and our culture. “Mean” is already being directed towards every marginalized group of people. The last thing anyone needs right now is to have a fellow member of the LGBTQ+ community or an ally come for them for everything from their hairstyle, their looks, their weight, their wardrobe, to how they define themselves as a person. Nobody has time for that right now. We are already drowning in the Seas of Mean; let’s not add to it. Find your compassion. Seek out your kindness. Remember times you felt vulnerable and how much better you felt when someone reached out with love and acceptance instead of a sarcastic sneer of dismissiveness. Come on, let out your inner Little Mary Sunshine; she’s a good look on you!
De-Clawing Your Harsh Ways
They say, “Nice guys always finish last.” Untrue. Nice guys just don’t make finishing first in all things the end-all-be-all of their existence. They put kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness, and sweetness at the forefront of all they do. You can too! It’s so easy. Follow along...
Step One: Just don’t say that venom-laced comment. Seriously, that’s it. You just DON’T spew out the acid-pleasant-best words that are dancing on the tip of your tongue. Even if it’s like Jackie Beat level super funny and you know your gathered bestie group is gonna cackle, let it go, sister.
Step Two: Now that you haven’t said the mean thing, you can either say nothing, OR, you can say something nice, say something supportive, say something helpful.
How about an example…? You’re in the club, the music is music-ing. You spot a little baby gay on the dance floor in full struggle trying to match his body movements to the beat. Instead of comparing him to a rhinoceros in roller skates on an ice rink, you note that he looks like he’s having an all-time good time. He’s feeling his own rhythm, and he’s owning his space. You didn’t say the mean thing, so now, he’s being his true self. Maybe he will never be a great dancer, but you didn’t steal any of his joy in movement. You didn’t make him feel awkward, less than, or that he doesn’t belong. Now, the world has one more happy person in it all because you kept your viper tongue in your mouth. Easy? Yes? Very much.
Really, It Truly Matters
Especially for younger generations and the newly out. Much has changed for the VERY good, but there is still a feeling of struggle just to simply be out and proud in many areas of the world. They need to feel authentic connections, to feel like there is a supportive bunch of shoulders out there waiting to offer understanding and not just another series of comments meant to slice them to ribbons. As we become more globally connected, why not make our main export niceness? We can be known as the sweetest, friendliest, loveliest, kindest LGBTQ+ spot on the planet!
Last Virtual Hug
We know, it won’t be easy to mend your ways. It won’t be overnight, but we kind of waaaaaay need it right now. The needle is moving, and the best thing to do is move with it and evolve. Being a nice gay is powerful. Being a kind person is powerful. Being a compassionate human is powerful. So, drop the mean, girl. Embrace the dawning of the age of Sweetness!!
