Trump’s Tariffs Could Push Your New iPhone to $1,600!

Gather ‘round, babes. Let’s talk about the latest brainchild from the man who thinks he’s the wizard of Wall Street: tariffs. Yes, our beloved former president, Donald Trump, is once again toying with the idea of slapping a 20% or even a 60% tariff on Chinese goods. You might want to sit down for this, because it’s going to hit your wallet harder than a surprise drag performance at a straight wedding.

Now, let’s get real for a second. When Trump claims “the Chinese will pay for it,” it’s like saying Mexico will pay for the wall or your ex will pay for dinner—sweet, delusional nonsense. Spoiler alert: tariffs are not some mystical fee that gets magically deducted from China’s bank account. Nope! Tariffs are imposed by U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP), and when the goods arrive, the bill goes straight to the American companies importing them—not the Chinese manufacturers. And guess what? That cost? It’s passed right on to you, the consumer, just like every other expense.

So, let’s break down what that means for the average consumer—and by “consumer,” I mean all of us fabulous queens who just want to snag our favorite made-in-China treasures without feeling like we’re funding a reality show! Let’s talk about the latest iPhone 16 Pro, which has a manufacturing cost of about $500. With a delightful 20% Trump tariff, the import price skyrockets to $600. And if Apple decides to slap on a 100% markup (because, of course, Tim Apple—yes, that’s what we’re calling him—needs to fund his next shiny launch), the final price tag for you is a jaw-dropping $1,200!

Now, let’s talk about that potential 60% Trump tariff—because apparently, for Trump, 20% and 60% are just numbers that sound more fancy when used together. Regardless of the number, he’s still planning to jack up tariffs on all Chinese goods. It’s like saying, “Let’s crank it up to ‘a lot’!” The iPhone costs $500 to make, but slap on that hefty tariff, and suddenly you’re staring at an $800 cost to manufacture. With the same markup, the final cost skyrockets to $1,600. Do you feel that? It’s the cold sweat of your wallet crying out in despair.

But it’s not just about fancy phones. Can you imagine the fallout for all those delightful products we love? Think of the countless items—clothing, electronics, and yes, even those fun little sex toys. Speaking of toys, let’s have a moment of silence for Diddy’s 784 dildos. 

And let’s not even dive into the sheer audacity of Trump’s assumptions about American intelligence. Why on earth does he think people are so dumb that they’d buy into the idea that the Chinese manufacturers are footing the bill for these tariffs? It’s as if he thinks we’ve all been hiding under a rock, sipping iced coffee, blissfully unaware of the real world.

Let’s face it, folks. Tariffs are simply taxes on imports that you, the consumer, will pay. And as they rise, so does the price tag on everything from your favorite brands to essential goods. You can thank Trump’s tariff fiasco for turning your shopping list into a game of credit card roulette—just pray you don’t end up bankrupt before the end credits roll!

So if Trump gets elected, just remember: when you see those price increases, it’s not the Chinese who are opening their wallets—it’s you. Stay sassy, stay savvy, and keep an eye on those price tags! Because if we’re not careful, we might just be paying for Trump’s latest “brilliant” idea one overpriced product at a time.