Ask Agatha: I'm Boring and Monogamous

Hi Agatha,

Soon I will be leaving my 20s behind and entering my 30s, and I'm feeling a bit lost. I’ve had a few relationships and dabbled in casual dating, but I’ve realized that I don’t enjoy casual sex unless it’s within a meaningful relationship. As a result, I don’t have sex often.

When I meet someone new, I try to be open to the idea of non-monogamous relationships because I feel like it’s what everyone expects nowadays. I understand why some people love the freedom and excitement that comes with open relationships, and I fully support those who choose that path.

I’m starting to accept that I really crave monogamy, at least in the beginning. I want to build a deep, exclusive connection before considering anything else. I feel a bit out of place because monogamy seems less popular, and I worry that I’m being boring or rigid for wanting it. Is it okay to stick to my guns and ask for monogamy, or should I try to be more flexible?

Sincerely,

Adam

My dearest Adam, let me assure you, there is absolutely nothing boring about knowing what you want and being true to yourself. Monogamy can be as thrilling, passionate, and fulfilling as any other relationship style—it’s all about how you and your partner make it work.

First off, kudos to you for exploring different relationship dynamics and figuring out what truly resonates with you. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to recognize and embrace your own desires. Your preference for deeper connections and monogamy isn’t a limitation—it’s a beautiful expression of who you are.

Don’t let the pressure to conform to trendy relationship styles make you feel inadequate. Open relationships can indeed be liberating and exciting for many, but they’re not the only path to happiness. Each relationship framework has its own unique set of joys and challenges, and what matters most is finding what works for you.

Embracing monogamy doesn’t mean you’re settling for a dull or uneventful love life. On the contrary, it’s an opportunity to dive deep into your partner’s world and create a passionate, fulfilling relationship. It’s about finding joy in the little moments, building trust, and experiencing the profound intimacy that comes from truly knowing and being known by one person.

Go forth, embrace your monogamous desires with pride, and find the partner who will cherish and respect your needs. Your perfect match is out there, ready to embark on this beautiful journey with you.

XOXO,

Agatha 💋