Ask Agatha: My Throuple Is Breaking Up

Dear Agatha,  

I really need some advice. I’ve been blissfully living as part of a throuple for a while,  but now, my two other partners are breaking up. They’ve made their decision and  won’t change their minds. I’m left in the middle, unsure of who to live with. Both are  welcoming me to stay with them, I love both of them, and I don’t want to hurt  anyone’s feelings. Help! I need someone to tell me what to do before I end up living  alone in a van down by the river.  

Sincerely,  

Stuck in the Middle with You, or Maybe You?  

Dear Stuck in the Middle,  

Oh sweetness, you’ve found yourself floating unwillingly in a sea of emotional drama,  and now you’re trying to figure out which shore to swim to. Lucky for you, it sounds  like you've got options! So let’s dissect this before you end up trading in your lovers  for a van down by the river—which, let's be honest, is a prime way to cut down on rent!  

The core issue here isn’t about choosing who gets your ah-may-zing self in their life;  it’s about choosing what makes you feel secure, happy, and cherished. If you’re  feeling torn between the two, pause for a second. Breathe. Grab a nice spirit forward  cocktail and ask yourself: “Who am I happiest with? Who makes me know I am loved.  Who puts me first? Who never let’s me down?”  

I know you love them both, but is one of them your ride or die? The one who knows  your coffee order before you’ve even had a chance to open your mouth, or who tucks  your blanket in just right? The one who knocks the dust off your boots and makes you  fall apart in soul shattering orgasams that you can not even imagine living without?  Did your eyes just dilate and did you just involuntarily lick your lips… maybe  someone’s face is popping into your head right about now… 

Or—and I say this with love—are you holding on because you’re scared of losing both?  Sometimes, the answer isn’t picking between them but figuring out if you really want  to be with one without the other. It’s possible that you're happiest as part of a trio, and  a duo just won’t do it for you anymore. If that’s the case, it’s perfectly perfect. Maybe  have a heart-to-heart and ask each of them if they’d be open to a new third. Their  answers might help you figure out who you want to build a new nest with.  

Here’s the other thing, you little love muffin: you’re not obligated to live with either of  them. Consider that third option—your own place. Not as dramatic as a cargo hold  with a view of the Mississippi, but maybe a rental decked out in plants for a few  months? A fresh start in a space that’s entirely yours might be just what you need to  do at this time.  

Relationships—especially throuples—are complicated. Hopefully you have at least a  few weeks, so you can sit with your thoughts for a bit. If living with one of them starts  to feel like the right move, make sure you go forward with them after clearly  communicating and setting new boundaries. ESPECIALLY if you plan on seeing the  other former throuple partner in a romantic way post move. No need to start fresh  and drag drama through the door of your new home by being deceptive and  sneaking around.  

What matters most at the end of the day is to trust that love in your heart—it knows the  way. Whether you end up with one, the other, or just yourself, remember that you  deserve someone (or someones) who sees how incredible you are. And sometimes,  that someone just might be you.  

xoxo,  

Agatha